Lord, I am sad, real sad. I feel so disappointed with myself. As well as the people around me. And I blame myself for every single thing that’s happening now.
I don’t know what to do anymore. This life isn’t what I hoped for. Everything I am right now, it is not me. This girl right now is just some fucked up teenager who’s life leads to nowhere.
And I am afraid of everything. So afraid that sometimes I’m even thinking of ending my life. I live with the expectations of everyone and I’m scared that one day, I might just burst from all the pressure that’s been given to me.
I am not proud of myself anymore. I really am before. But right now, I just think of myself as a garbage that should be dumped.
I fear that everything I have worked for will soon be forgotten with just a simple mistake.
I feel insecure and it’s like all the odds are against me.
I pity myself.
I envy every single person who can still laugh with their problems.
More importantly, I feel betrayed. Betrayed by the ones who are special to me, even God. There are times where I forget His name and disobey His words because things isn’t just working the way I wanted it. I even blame Him.
Lord, where are you no that I need you? I’m sorry if I went away your way but I am ready to accept you again now. I hope that everything will work in accordance with your will and that every bad thing that I feel inside me will soon be gone.
I wish that every single negativity within me will be washed away.
And I wish that this life will soon end the way I needed it to be.
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